keep getting back up (or, 2017 in review)

I did exactly none of what I’d planned on for this year, and yet I did well.

Apparently I made two separate lists of goals for 2017, and the first one did not work out. I’ve been threatening those posts since I started blogging, EHouse is now only one of a bunch of different things I wanna do with my life, I failed spectacularly at new connections (though I did do way better than expected at maintaining and nurturing old ones), my writing was hit-or-miss, and I still worry about everything (but am learning to use my anxiety). Zero out of five.

List two fared better. Novel is still not done (as usual stay tuned for updates), but I did – at the end of November – get a paid publication of, in my opinion, one of the best pieces I’ve ever written. Online dating ended up not being worth the hassle, but I learned a few unexpected things about myself that I hope to figure out how to use going forward. I ended up going to six cons, almost got in an altercation with protestors in frack-nowhere Kentucky (thank you drunk pirates for picking that fight before I could), had a couple minor panics because my big costume for the year involved a sleeveless top, and overall got a lot better at cosplaying and channeling characters and having a really good time. Those all feel like wins, so… three out of three.

But me being me, and me having documented my life all over the internet for the last couple years, I should’ve known that all the beautiful stuff was gonna be unexpected.

I got a lot better at turning my experiences into fiction. Actual memoirs are still a decade away (though I do have vague plans for a book of comedic essays about working retail), but fictionalized versions – especially expressed through characters who aren’t mine – helped me see things for what they were.

I had some lessons in who stays and who leaves. Wasn’t expecting either of those situations to turn out like they did, but this year as opposed to last year, I’m down a clone and up a… hell if I know what that person is, but one relationship in particular improved in unexpected ways this year.

I changed job positions twice, the first time because I was convenient and the second because I got brave.

I got two new tattoos (the newer one should be a post in like a week because holy shit do I have feelings about it).

I didn’t fall in love. And yet I kinda did, but in a weird blossomy I-would-and-will-wait-ten-years-if-that’s-what-it-takes kinda way. Non-creepy variant (for the most part, and better as the year progressed). Absolutely working on that situation and learning to make the most of it, but I haven’t given up hope.

I got a couple opportunities to fully live my beliefs, and I did not screw up. One in particular changed a lot of perceptions about me once I let it get traced back to me. (And also provided a weird bonding moment between myself and a close friend, because for once “I’m gonna wring his neck” was actually a SANE response to a situation and I was NOT overreacting!!)

I learned to embrace clichés a little more. There’ll be more about that if/when one of the current primary writing projects ever gets anywhere, but… sometimes, as much as you wanna be a pretentious asshole, sometimes it’s cute to write about two middle-aged people falling in love while herding around a dozen malcontent teenagers. (And yes, I should’ve learned this a couple years ago while writing very similar fanfic, but it’s even more fun when the characters are MINE and I get to do stuff that I like.)

I went off meds again because the side effects got bad again, and I think this time I might be off ’em for good. I made progress on control and rescuing myself instead of inflicting my episodes on other people, and I am SO FRICKING PROUD of where I am mentally now as opposed to last year.

So, overall, 2017 was a good year for me. Bit unpredictable, but I can see a lot of progress made all around. Well done me.

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