life with claws out

I think my theme for this year is gonna end up being “intentional”.

I know, I know – we’re only six weeks into 2017, it’s a little early to call something like that, I might become a totally different person in the next ten months… but allowing for life to happen, I think I know where I’m headed in the near future.

I’m taking ownership of my life and becoming more proactive about things, and so far I’m loving every second of it.

I have big plans for my writing – plans I’m gonna keep fairly secret until some of them begin to blossom, but plans nonetheless. At the very least, I want to finish a novel this year. And ideally, I’d like to get a paid publication credit as well. Second one’s a little harder to control, obvs, but if I continue to work my ass off, it’s within the realm of plausibility. I’m getting my voice out there, and I will be heard, g’dammit.

I’m attempting online dating again. That’s probably gonna be its own post of horrors (or several posts, more likely), but I figure… I’m 23, I’m socially isolated, I’m a reasonably pretty woman with wants… that’s totally what the internet is for. So we’ll see where that adventure leads. I’m trying to be more open-minded and more willing to let things just happen, and so far so good.

Last but not least, I’m upping both my con schedule for this year (1 down, 8 to go!) and my cosplay game. My big project right now is altering a prop for one of my upcoming darlings, because so help me, I helped create the significance of that particular weapon within a particular faction of that fandom, and therefore I have to make sure it’s perfect. (Not my fault nobody else really felt like writing fic about that darling and the love of her life! And also not my fault that sword-as-accidental-proposal made total sense within the context of that show!) I’m gonna network more, show a little more skin, and see where that path leads me.

I’m done being a supporting character in my own life. I am committing right now to live with claws out, fight for myself and those I love, and never half-ass anything. I am more than that.

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2017 goals

As most of you either know from past observation or can guess from similar, I’m not that great at follow-through. Big epic schemes? I have like three of ’em a day (much to the dismay of whatever unfortunate soul gets stuck talking me out of them), but I’m not so good about actually… y’know, doing any of them. Ever. (In a day or two I’m gonna go looking for my 2016 list and tear that thing to shreds on here, but that’s a whole ‘nother animal.)

That said, here are some appropriately vague goals for the new year that I genuinely do think I can accomplish.:

  • actually do most if not all of the posts I’ve previously threatened. This is probably the most viable one because as far as time and effort goes, blog posts don’t take much. I’ve made a lot of progress in the last year or so at figuring out who I am and what I believe, and I’ve got a lot to say about that. I’ve also got a lot to say about the toxic elements of midrange conservative christian homeschooling culture (boy do I EVER have stuff to say about that). In 2017, I want to take on a few subjects I’ve been eyeing for a while but previously have not had the courage to openly set on fire. And as if all of that wasn’t enough, I want to finally do a series on formative influences – books and TV shows that essentially created the woman I have become. I’ve been threatening that one since I started blogging, but I think it’s finally time to go there.
  • take active steps towards the creation of Eowyn House. EHouse is a longterm project I haven’t talked about on here and don’t plan to anytime soon, but what y’all need to know is it’s somewhere my heart has been leading for the last couple of years. I’m still not sure how this thing is gonna happen, but my EHouse goal for 2017 is to nail down some details and a timeline and hopefully start making the first few connections that will make my heartsong possible.
  • make more connections, period. I need new people in my life. In 2016, I did a pretty thorough job of declaring my separation from the world that created me. In 2017, I need to remake my social side. I have a few ideas for how to do this, most of which will be discussed as they happen, but the one I’m comfortable sharing right now is I plan to go to at least six cons this coming year. Maybe not the best way of meeting people, but a definite outlet for making me feel like I’m part of something and that’s one of the best feelings in the world for me so… yeah.
  • write stuff I’m proud of. I’m not gonna say “finish blahblahblah” because that’s the quickest way to damn myself. Nor am I gonna set any publication goals because that’s out of my hands (submitting everywhere I can is a good move, of course, but my point still stands). Instead, my goal for 2017 is to write fiction and poetry that I can look at if/when it gets published and think “wow, I did good” instead of “wtf is this”. I think that’s viable.
  • focus on moments. My caretaker has been emphasizing this with me a lot over the last couple months, and while I’ve definitely made progress, I still have miles to go. I’m usually a planner and a worrier – yay anxiety – and while those are good traits in moderation, I need to shorten their leash a little bit and let myself live.

Welp, if nothing else, this is probably my shortest list of resolutions in at least a couple years. We’ll see how long they last…